Being Poly Isn't a Cop-Out

One of the most common reactions to my assertion that I am Polyamorous is the look of astonishment coming from a person who assumes that means that I believe I can have sex with anyone I want, without any cares for the other relationships I have. The prevailing thought is that Poly-folk are looking for a way to excuse bad behavior in the past, to cover up being promiscuous or unfaithful in a relationship. Often, someone Poly is considered to be a slut or a womanizer.

Indeed, there are some who fall into the category of Polyamorous who act in such a manner, choosing lovers and romances without concern about how their actions affect others.

However, I aspire to the ideal of Ethical Polyamory - which means that I believe that I should not enter into relationships without the consent of all affected - my Primary, any others I am involved with, and the prospective new partner. Anyone who has a relationship with me, sexually or romantically, is going to affect the others I love, and they are going to be affected by those I love, in turn.

It is also important that I do not lead others to be misled about myself - just as I would not want others to lie to me. Love is based upon trust, and when trust is violated, love withers and tends to die. Love based upon lies is built upon a tar pit for a foundation, and is doomed more likely to fail than succeed, no matter the intensity of the passion.

As Poly, I do believe that every person in my relationship structure has the right to choose whether they wish one or more lovers. It is not a matter of having multiple lovers. It is the ability to make that choice as each person sees fit.

That is why I will always identify as Poly, no matter whether I am in a monogamous relationship, a Triad, or any other form or relationship.

Because love divided is not diminished - how can something infinite be?

(c) Tortured Cyclone 2017

Permanent Impermanence

When love is as impermanent
as frail blades of grass,
how can we say
our passions are forever?
Or is that an illusion?
Is it the only constant
as we travel the wheel
of impermanence in life?

(c) Tortured Cyclone 2017

Improvisational Harmonies - Sneak Peek #4

Come and Save Me Tonight

One of the recurring themes in my writing is the redemptive power of love. For it has the power to save us – from life's sorrows, from the consequences of misdeeds, even from our own inner damnation.

It is no surprise that the power ballads of the late '80s and early '90s hold a special place in my heart. For a few years, love songs became in-vogue for the previously asskicking-, sex- and decadence-obsessed hard rock and metal bands, as they sought to spin off into a much greater audience by showing their more sensitive side.

True, the corporate formula of rock song, power ballad, rock song, power ballad became predictable, and an oft-derided component of the hair band era. The recording houses saw that there was a large, undersold-to audience that ate up the power ballads like candy. Correspondingly, every band, new or old, in the scene, had to record them to sell albums.

It was only a matter of time before the market became oversaturated, and the backlash against the record studios began. And that spelled the doom of the hair band.

Fortunately, Aerosmith recorded a few gems during this era – including a song about how the love of a good woman could even save a raunchy old rocker like Steven Tyler.

Of course, I was inspired by it. What self-respecting reformed buttrocker wouldn't have been?

Angel

Drowning,

in my tears,

that's where

you found me.

Without hesitation

you dove in

after me.

I was lost

without a prayer

until that fateful moment

you intervened.

Now,

you're my Angel.

Come and save me

tonight.

Inspired by “Angel” by Aerosmith

(c) Tortured Cyclone 2015, 2017

Then There Was You

It is amazing, in the moment that you meet someone and realize that they fit you like a puzzle piece, One that brings the jigsaw tapestry of life into greater clarity. You mesh so smoothly with them that it is difficult to to say where one ends and the other begins. And so the relationship began...

That is what happened when I met you.

But life is never static, and the complications of our love interfered with our ability to be in contact with each other. Those challenges have become, at times, mammoth - terrifying in their Brobdaginian immensity. The miles that separate us, our duty to others, our contrasting work schedules - these all have stood in the way.

But while falling in love is something that happens to you. Loving someone is a choice, even if it is the only choice. And choosing not to love you is a choice whose consequences I never want to face - for I want you to be a persistent part of my life, as long as we can.

Some things are so precious that you would die for them, if it were necessary. That is what you are to me. Without you in my life, I would be looking at a world that was once two-dimensional, knowing that a third dimension exists because of you, but unable to perceive it any longer.

It is like having the world of sight removed, a few days after you had just gained your vision.

So, I choose you. I love you. I need you.

Lifelong, if not into the next life...

TC

(c) Tortured Cyclone 2017

Losing My Religion - Sneak Preview #4 - "Forbidden Things"

Your touch,

forbidden me

by so many things,

still, a man

can dream,

can't he?

(c) Tortured Cyclone 2014, 2016

For Camille

Yesterday was Saint Patrick's Day. Another holiday with specific cultural significance for specific ethnicities or sects of religion. No big deal, right?

Except my family came over from Ireland long before the potato famine that drove so many Irish immigrants to America in the mid-1800s. You'd never be able to tell that I'm Irish, however, if you looked at my luck.

Unlike the stereotypical Irishman, I have never displayed any good luck to speak of.In fact, I've sometimes joked that if I didn't have bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. But that all changed when I met you.

You came into this world on this day significant to my ancestors. In essence, you are the living embodiment of all of my life's good fortune. Because you love me, I am one of the luckiest of men.

You prove that I have the Luck of the Irish.

I See You

In the morning light,
I see you beside me,
restless in pain-wracked sleep,
besieged by demons in dreams.
I know your doubts,
all of your fears
that you aren't good enough,
that my attributes
are somehow your fault.
But through all the years,
all the trials, grief, and loss,
I'd see you there,
steadfast and holding on,
and fanning the love
within my breast
by being better than I deserve.
And the love for you
is there always,
it has never died,
and it never will.
If there is fault
to be found,
it is that I
am the flawed, corrupted vessel
incapable of the expression
of exactly how much
you mean to me,
for without you,
I would not be.

(c) Tortured Cyclone 2016

For my wife.

October 7: I Would Always Love

For all the pain and suffering
that I've experienced,
loving as I do,
there is nothing
I would change a bit,
because every instant of love
is worth any agony.
Every moment of flight
is more valuable than any price.

Why I Love

I've been asked before
why I love so many?
Been told by others
that I'm addicted to love.
I can't explain
a single specific reason,
because I know for certain,
there is more than one.

First, because my earliest memories
are filled with the proof
of the inability to trust
in the permanence of love,
when the one who should have
loved me unconditionally
abandoned me, because I
wasn't self-sufficient.
Over the years since,
I've only seen it proved
time and time again.
They always leave you
in the end.

On the other hand,
I don't want anyone
to feel the way I felt.
That there is no one
who loves them.
I don't want them
to feel that a mother
is a void that yawns open
like a portal to Hell.
I don't want them to feel
that a cousin is merely
another name for a molester,
acting out teenage explorations.
I don't want them to think
that every lover
is going to leave them
because love isn't real.

I love because I believe,
how else can you be loved?
I love because I'm desperate
to find something lasting
in a world where impermanence
was my first cruel lesson learned.
I love because I cannot bear
to face life without
someone else by my side.
I love because I cannot bear
to turn someone away
like I have been
so many times before.

I love, because if I
am worthy of loving,
then so is every one
of you.
And I will never
tell someone they are not
worthy of being loved.

© Tortured Cyclone 2015

Retort

Don't tell me
my feelings are invalid.
That what I speak of
is a mere illusion.
You can judge from experience
of your own circumstances
but not having walked
in my shoes,
how can you say
that what I feel isn't true?
And what law says
that you are right
and I am wrong,
just because 99%
of the world agrees
with your view?

© Tortured Cyclone 2015

Alternate Verse for "The Rose"

Some say love,
it is a madness
that only leads to grief.
Some say love,
it is a tempest
that wrecks beyond belief.
Some say love,
it is a firestorm
consuming everything.
I say love,
it is the music
that taught my heart to sing.

("The Rose", performed by Bette Midler)

Necrotic Heart

The day that you called,
you took part of my heart,
but then you stayed around
but never allowed
any communication
between you and I.
Every day, the wounds
of the damage you caused
uncauterized, untreated
grew necrotic, consuming
more and more of my heart,
leaving only a husk
of the vessel of love
wracked in agony because
your silence exacerbates
the condition, instead of curing it.

Knife-Edge Purity

There's a certain honesty
to the cold steel
of the knife
on your skin.
It doesn't make promises
of love that are lies.
It doesn't play with
your emotions, like they're toys.
It says, "one inch deeper,
and blood will flow,
and pain will blossom.
Push deep enough,
and I'll bring oblivion,
forever."
The knife is brutal
in its simplicity,
unlike people,
whose contradictions
lead to all of my sorrows.

(c) Tortured Cyclone 2015