Being Poly Isn't a Cop-Out

One of the most common reactions to my assertion that I am Polyamorous is the look of astonishment coming from a person who assumes that means that I believe I can have sex with anyone I want, without any cares for the other relationships I have. The prevailing thought is that Poly-folk are looking for a way to excuse bad behavior in the past, to cover up being promiscuous or unfaithful in a relationship. Often, someone Poly is considered to be a slut or a womanizer.

Indeed, there are some who fall into the category of Polyamorous who act in such a manner, choosing lovers and romances without concern about how their actions affect others.

However, I aspire to the ideal of Ethical Polyamory - which means that I believe that I should not enter into relationships without the consent of all affected - my Primary, any others I am involved with, and the prospective new partner. Anyone who has a relationship with me, sexually or romantically, is going to affect the others I love, and they are going to be affected by those I love, in turn.

It is also important that I do not lead others to be misled about myself - just as I would not want others to lie to me. Love is based upon trust, and when trust is violated, love withers and tends to die. Love based upon lies is built upon a tar pit for a foundation, and is doomed more likely to fail than succeed, no matter the intensity of the passion.

As Poly, I do believe that every person in my relationship structure has the right to choose whether they wish one or more lovers. It is not a matter of having multiple lovers. It is the ability to make that choice as each person sees fit.

That is why I will always identify as Poly, no matter whether I am in a monogamous relationship, a Triad, or any other form or relationship.

Because love divided is not diminished - how can something infinite be?

(c) Tortured Cyclone 2017

Take This

Take my guilt,

there's plenty

I owe, and

to spare.

Take my heart,

for there's nothing

left inside,

for any to care.

Take my pride,

for it's been lost

years ago when I chose

to stay and fight on.

Take my hope,

for any of it

for our better lives

is dead and gone.

Take my future,

because all it is

is a litany

of unending strife.

Take my validity,

because nothing else

matters to you

but your unyielding self.

Take it all,

there is nothing left

but what you take,

and that stays till death.

(c) Tortured Cyclone 2017

October 5: Gordian

How can I put
into words with structure
the magnificent complexity
that exists between us?

Not just a passion,
although our passions rage,
inferno-esque, sometimes dangerously,
in both our hearts.

Not just shared experiences,
though triumphs and tragedies
we have seen
in plenty, while together.

It isn't merely love,
like some grand romance,
because life's exigencies
have taken their toll.

Simply put, we are
the one thing that
both of us
would fight to preserve.

A man, a woman
and our two children,
we are family,
facing all the world.

Arrhythmia

A strong beat,
the sound
of our hearts
beating together
from the moment
we first touched.
Two lives meant
to be entwined.
Then a miracle,
it seemed,
life conceived
where it had been
thought impossible.
That was
not to be,
as our daughter died
in the struggle
for your life.
The grim price
continued to compound,
for your body
never recovered fully,
nor did our hearts.
The beating grew faster,
more erratic,
as things
became bipolar.
Either really good
or horribly bad,
we swung
like a pendulum,
and your health
kept getting worse.
Two boys conceived,
both surviving,
but at a pyrrhic cost.
Permanent damage,
unable to be healed,
starting an inevitable
that descent into decay.
After several years
with this
as the status quo,
now our love's pulse
is thready,
erratic and fading,
and I know
the day is coming soon
when our love
will flatline,
beyond resuscitation.
And how will I
go on
with our children,
when you're gone?