Sunday, December 3, 2017

Being Poly Isn't a Cop-Out

One of the most common reactions to my assertion that I am Polyamorous is the look of astonishment coming from a person who assumes that means that I believe I can have sex with anyone I want, without any cares for the other relationships I have. The prevailing thought is that Poly-folk are looking for a way to excuse bad behavior in the past, to cover up being promiscuous or unfaithful in a relationship. Often, someone Poly is considered to be a slut or a womanizer.

Indeed, there are some who fall into the category of Polyamorous who act in such a manner, choosing lovers and romances without concern about how their actions affect others.

However, I aspire to the ideal of Ethical Polyamory - which means that I believe that I should not enter into relationships without the consent of all affected - my Primary, any others I am involved with, and the prospective new partner. Anyone who has a relationship with me, sexually or romantically, is going to affect the others I love, and they are going to be affected by those I love, in turn.

It is also important that I do not lead others to be misled about myself - just as I would not want others to lie to me. Love is based upon trust, and when trust is violated, love withers and tends to die. Love based upon lies is built upon a tar pit for a foundation, and is doomed more likely to fail than succeed, no matter the intensity of the passion.

As Poly, I do believe that every person in my relationship structure has the right to choose whether they wish one or more lovers. It is not a matter of having multiple lovers. It is the ability to make that choice as each person sees fit.

That is why I will always identify as Poly, no matter whether I am in a monogamous relationship, a Triad, or any other form or relationship.

Because love divided is not diminished - how can something infinite be?

(c) Tortured Cyclone 2017