Community Spirit in the Digital Community

I believe that people
have valid feelings,
no matter where they may be.
Whether in person,
by the telephone,
or hidden behind
the digital veil.
We have a responsibility
to be ever mindful
that what we might see
as merely a harmless game,
is something more to them.
This is why I cannot
countenance online trolling,
because I cannot be a witness
to a wrong and do nothing -
to my way of thinking
that is no better
than being the villain
that commits the crime.
So don't tell me
not to get involved
when I see someone hurt,
because I will not,
cannot, listen to something
that is anathema to me.

(c) Tortured Cyclone 2016

In Search of Poetry's Soul

What is the soul of poetry?

A deceptively simple question, for most people (myself included) would probably be able to come up with an answer within moments. The answers would invariably be subjective and, as such, have much more to say about ourselves than this form of expression.

As is frequently the case with other questions that lead to subjective responses, many of us have a tendency to view our answers as the right ones, to the exclusion of others. So we tend to exclude ideas that contradict our own, because if we're right, they can't be, right?

Wrong.

For some, poetry is about the cleverness of the writer. How the poet uses her knowledge of language to entertain, to demonstrate their intelligence, independent of emotional context or even comprehensibility.

For others, poetry is all about capturing an instant, creating an image that the reader can be captured within. Using their words and placement to convey an image that is undeniable in its clarity.

Yet others see it as a medium to express the emotions that wrack our psyches, and the ones that make our spirits soar. The language of the passions.

Yet others see it as a dogma where the rules of a specific form are all-important. Where it is necessary to harness the words to the mastery of rhyming and meter, stanzas and couplets.

In truth, poetry is all of these, and more. And we are the ones who choose to limit it by perspective, saying only our vision is "good".

So, if we create in different ways, can we at least respect others for following their particular vision?

After all, the artist is only half of what defines poetry. The other half is the person who reads it.

(c) Tortured Cyclone 2016

About Misuse of Resources

Recently, in the Twitter world of online poetry and activism, I heard a criticism made about my conduct and my focus. In short, the critic stated that I should not be doing what I am doing on Twitter, because I was being derelict in my duties towards my offline family. I was too busy being a Dom instead of being a provider.

I wanted to set the record straight, pulling back the fourth wall to give you a glimpse of some of the choices that I have had to make with my responsibilities and with my career and my lifestyle.

My spouse of 14 years is terminally ill. She has been on kidney dialysis for almost 10 years. Four years ago she had a stroke. Since then her health has been in a steady decline.

We have two children together. Our eldest is 13 years old, and is on the autism spectrum. He is high-functioning and his particular form of autism includes ADHD and Oppositional Defiant behavior.

Our 10 year old, fortunately, is not on the Spectrum and is basically healthy. However, he has begun modeling his behavior off of his older brother's, in order to get attention.

With my wife's worsening health, I have had to make some difficult choices. I work overnights full-time, but in response to her increasing illness, I have found it necessary to cut back on my hours at work. In fact, I have cut back so much that I have worked basically 20 hours a week for the last 7 months.

In this same time, we have made several difficult decisions, to ensure that were able to make ends meet. This includes eliminating satellite television, Internet service, private supplemental health insurance for my wife, and my pride. It has been necessary to put my ambitions as a writer and as an activist for the polyamorous lifestyle and as a Dom aside as secondary in order to take care of those responsibilities.

Many of you may be aware as how I have cut back on posts to this blog. Also I have eliminated all prompts that I was running through Twitter, including a prompt that was supposed to have resulted in an anthology that would have been published this summer.

To raise additional funds for my family, I have had to pawn my equipment for writing. Not once, but multiple times. In fact the computer has spent more time in the pawn shop then in my possession since the beginning of 2016.

As a result, I have just last month finished my second book of poetry which would have been released by my birthday this year if other things had not pushed it back. Additionally, I have had to push other writing deadlines back.

I have also cut back in my involvement within the Twitter writing community. I used to post approximately 5 to 10 poems everyday, if not more. And I was also active in the community fighting to protect members of the writing community, instead I have taken a secondary role in most cases. The one case where that has not been so, has been in a situation where I have been targeted directly by a group of harassers because I spoke out in defense of someone who was being tried in the court of public opinion for something that should never have been a general flame war.

My primary involvement now, within the community is in the recognition of a writer everyday by shout-out and a writing prompt every week by shout out to draw attention to others in the community because they deserve that attention and because with all the followers I have I should be doing something to let them know that there are a lot of other people out there who are worth taking a look at.

I have not been derelict in any duty offline. I have, in fact severely been absent in my duty to the online community to respond to offline demands.

It is not because I care less for the online community. It is because I have had to take care of my primary responsibilities.

Please be aware of that, before you make any accusations of dereliction of duty.

(c) Tortured Cyclone 2016

Look Deeper...

This discontinuity,
the demarcation
of "real world"
and Internet,
the insidious persistence
of the damning idea
that the non-physical
is less significant
due to the absence
of the tangible.
Look deeper...

For our reality
is defined
by our perceptions,
ultimately,
the product
of neural stimuli,
perceiving the shadows
on the walls
of a Socratean cavern,
with no basis
or proof
of the accuracy
of our perceptions?
Look deeper...

We create "reality"
out of the stuff
of our perceptions,
not knowing,
but firmly believing
the shadows
are real.
The digital realm
casts shadows, too.
Look deeper...

What if the shadows
we perceive
are our own?
Myriad reflections
and eclipsing occlusions
of the light
of consciousness?
Look deeper...

And what if
what we call
our consciousness
is merely a shard
of the fractured psyche
of an infinite universe?
The nightmare tormenting
a mad Creator?
Look deeper...

Then all are
interconnected,
distinctions
of offline/online,
Brexit/EU,
Trump or Clinton,
culture, creed, race,
gender identity,
sexual orientation
do not matter,
what affects one
has fractal ripples
that touch all.
Look deeper...

Perhaps all this
is only obfuscation,
discussion of matters
that don't matter
at all...
But the only way
you can ever discover
the truth or falsehood
of my words
is to look,
deeper.

(c) Tortured Cyclone 2016

Who Am I?

I am not a good man.

There is no virtue in me that is anything but accidental - a mishap of incidental proportions. My flaws are myriad and manifest, and the weight of my sins make the earth groan beneath me. If I say I do good, there is no truth in me, because doing good is counter to my deepest self.

What right do I have to say I am virtuous, when all I do is driven by ego and self-interest? When forced into self-reflection, it is all I can do to not vomit in disgust at my paltry efforts at virtuousness. Naught I do, but it comes to ill and harm.

I cry to the heavens - where is the justice that I have health, when better people do not? Why should I have prosperity when worthy folk go without? Why do I possess these gifts of understanding, of artistry, of wit, but have naught of worth to create thereby?

After all, what am I but another fallen soul?

Why Do I Speak Out?

More than once, I have taken heat for my willingness to take a stand against people who harm others within the online community. There are those who have stated that I start drama, and seek fights. I have been accused of intolerance to viewpoints that differ from my own.

My issue is a simple one. In the offline world, it would not be right to allow an assailant to rape a woman, and do nothing about it. Or see a store being robbed and decide it is someone else's problem. Or a man being gunned down in the street.

In all of those instances, it is the civic duty, the ethical duty to stand forth as at least a witness, if not to intervene to try and prevent the crime from taking place. Doing nothing effectively makes the bystander an accomplice in the crime.

Although the online realm is a non-corporeal world, I argue that the civic and ethical duties of the offline world carry over. Correspondingly, it is not right to stand by and not react in some way.

We teach our children that it is not right to let bullying take place unopposed. The digital realm is rife with such bullying. It makes sense that our lack of tolerance for bullying would extend online, in social media, for instance.

The act of catfishing people online is as dangerous as any form of offline imposture. Consider the phisher who seeks information for identity theft through social engineering. Or the con man/blackmailer who coaxes information from a vulnerable person, in order to gain influence and/or sexual favors from them. Both of these are acts of rape that are no less heinous than physical rape.

None of these things I would want to happen to myself, or any I care about. By extension, if I don't want these crimes to happen to those I care for, it is logical I would not want them to happen to anyone.

Because victimization of people is Everyone's Problem, I get involved. I speak against it. I report it to authorities when I can prove it. I speak out, warning of people who harm others.

By my understanding of both ethics and morality, this is the right thing to do.

(C) Tortured Cyclone 2016

Improvisational Harmonies - Sneak Preview #2 - "Danzig Tryptych"

I:

Mothers,

keep your daughters from me,

for I will lie to them,

I will seduce them

with promises of pleasure

and romance,

and when I'm done with them,

when their innocence is gone,

and I'm bored with them,

I'll leave them behind

without a second thought.

II:

Mothers,

guide your sons away,

lest my words they heed,

and my lessons they obey,

to abandon conscience and love

for cruelty and lust,

and should they follow me,

they will be driven forth to ravage,

or to bleed out, savaged

by my cruel fangs.

III:

Mothers,

most of all, stay away from me,

for I will teach you the lessons

of madness and passionate extremity,

driving you to forget everything

as I make you feel alive again,

only to leave you for another

plaything, returning

when I grow tired of her,

to twist you even further.

Inspired by “Mother” by Danzig

(c) Tortured Cyclone 2015, 2016

Losing My Religion - Sneak Preview #4 - "Forbidden Things"

Your touch,

forbidden me

by so many things,

still, a man

can dream,

can't he?

(c) Tortured Cyclone 2014, 2016

Sneak Preview - Foreword of "Improvisational Harmonies"

Recently, in the writing community that I have been a part of the last three years, online, there has been a lot of controversy related to plagiarism. There have been claims of not only pure theft of words, but also the theft of less-quantifiable concepts.

Poetic theme. Phraseology. Rhythm. Core poetic image.

Mind you, the online world is rife with writing based off of, or inspired by, another's ideas. The poetic community I am a part of uses writing prompts to inspire many writers to stretch themselves. Oftentimes, those prompts are used verbatim by the participants of the prompt. Poets get involved in wordplay of varying levels of intimacy, which usually builds upon the writing of someone else in a Poem-trail.

This cross-pollination of ideas, the common font of inspiration, leads to a lot of writing that is very similar. Much of that writing could be interpreted as plagiarism, if the broadest definition of the term is applied.

And that says nothing of outside influences...

As a writer, I prefer to write with music playing, as it stirs my creativity, and has also served as a wellspring of inspiration to me. Many of my poems have a piece of music as a jumping-off point.

So, I decided to bring together several of my poems into this collection. Inspired by music. In homage to that music.

Not plagiarism. Improvisational harmonies.

You Stayed, You Gave, You Loved

For my wife...

When I said,
"Let's leave the world
you and I know,"
you didn't complain,
though I couldn't explain
the journey we were starting.
Instead of listening
to your doubts and fears,
you gave me your trust.

When I insisted
that love was more complex
than the single-minded focus
on one other being,
though you didn't understand,
it wasn't how you planned.
By my side you still stayed.

When every cell
cried out to you to say farewell,
you chose the harder path.
You picked the eye
of a savage hurricane
of paradoxical passion,
and believed in our love.

Now, looking back,
I see the heights we've climbed,
and realize without you
I'd have fallen far behind.
Because you stayed,
you gave,
you loved,
I soar to the heights.

Losing My Religion - Sneak Preview #3 - "Knots"

In the hands

of my sanctuary,

each knot tied

becomes a chain broken,

each one a worry

given up,

a weight I don't

have to carry

because I am Your captive,

bound by love,

held in place

to please Your eyes,

to sate Your flesh,

to use

or not

as You see fit,

to await

Your will.

To be free

from everything else.

For now,

only You matter.

(c) Tortured Cyclone 2014, 2016

Losing My Religion Sneak Preview #2 - "Devotional"

This piece was inspired by the Depeche Mode song, "Surrender"

Devotional

An infidel, kneeling in prayer,

to the only deity he's sure is there,

doomed to be a burnt offering

to passion's goddess,

a sacrifice in your holy bed,

prepared to be broken,

my world reshaped in your hallowed name,

wholly surrendered to your flame.

Burn me,

consume me,

with tenderness

subsume me,

grant release through ecstasy's grace,

and stamp your visage in God's place,

through the faithless door then send me,

to a cruel world bent to end me,

my fate writ like a lottery token.

My heart,

my soul,

they are your tokens

of my devotion.

Losing My Religion - Sneak Preview 1 - "Goddess Mine"

Goddess Mine

I sit and wonder
what has become of you.
Have you found
the gentleman you seek
to make your life complete?
Do you ever think
about the gentleman
who you turned away from
because he loved you too much?
The man who would
have given up his entire world
to be by your side.
He, who gave you a gift,
in his love, that he's afraid
to ever give to anyone again.
He who you shamed,
calling what you had
a fantasy, an impossibility.
Will you ever find another like me?

I pray you do.
I wish you all
the happiness you seek.

You see,
though you cast me out,
I still worship,
I still love you...

Even knowing it is
All
In
Vain...

(c) Tortured Cyclone 2015, 2016

originally published on uink.ca

The Disingenuity of the Post-and-Delete Phenomenon

You've probably seen someone who goes onto his (or her) social media or blog to troll others. This person will post something to the internet, and then quickly remove it, due to being reported for abuse and/or violation of the terms of service for the site. This person then repeats, ad nauseam.

As a writer and person who champions the cause of stopping bullying, I find this practice reprehensible. Not only does this give the troll the opportunity to continue bullying his or her targets, but it also protects them from disciplinary action by the Internet community. Also, as someone who takes pride in my work, and considers posting online to be the electronic equivalent of publishing, what sense does it make to publish and then retract?

In the offline world of publishing, there are laws that prevent slander and libel in printed media. This is why newspapers and magazines spend so much time and effort to verify information before they run with a story. There is a legal and ethical requirement for published media to do so. It is the contention that there needs to be a similar requirement for social media sites and other hosted online media outlets.

Indeed, I suggest that sites like Twitter should use their analytical ability to review the behavior of habitual offenders of site TOE. There are harassers/trolls who use the post-and-delete tactic to avoid disciplinary action by the hosting website. Even when the offending information is deleted, that information still exists in electronic form for some time. For the protection of the members of the online community, habitual offenders should be subject to disciplinary action, up to permanent suspension.

In truth, the controversial post-and-delete user is nothing more than a person who seeks self-aggrandizement at the expense of others, not a shock jock like Howard Stern. They emulate the outrageous tone of Donald Trump, without the integrity to own their words for all to see.

Exit Interview

Not too long ago, my year-long stint as a contributor to the Uink.ca blog and website came to an end.

Looking at the experience, writing for a largely erotica-based website, there were a lot of facets I could talk about: How honored I was to be asked to be a contributor; The camaraderie of a small team of writers and friends; The pleasure of working on "Whispers Entice"; The thrill of working with, inspiring and being inspired by, some fantastic writers.

I could also tell tales of the dark side: The petty power plays; The lies and hypocrisy of team members; The out-of-check egos; The lowered bar of quality for some members of the group; Being stabbed in the back and fired.

But, in the end, the year-long ride was a job. Unpaid, building my exposure as a writer, getting the word out. No one can take that from me.

I was a contributing author for an erotica website, with more than a post a week, average. The quality and quantity of my work shone there.

It was a tremendous opportunity. But opportunities often come to an end, leaving us free for new opportunities.

Uink, thank you.

(c) Tortured Cyclone 2016
@TorturdCyclone

For Camille

Yesterday was Saint Patrick's Day. Another holiday with specific cultural significance for specific ethnicities or sects of religion. No big deal, right?

Except my family came over from Ireland long before the potato famine that drove so many Irish immigrants to America in the mid-1800s. You'd never be able to tell that I'm Irish, however, if you looked at my luck.

Unlike the stereotypical Irishman, I have never displayed any good luck to speak of.In fact, I've sometimes joked that if I didn't have bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. But that all changed when I met you.

You came into this world on this day significant to my ancestors. In essence, you are the living embodiment of all of my life's good fortune. Because you love me, I am one of the luckiest of men.

You prove that I have the Luck of the Irish.

I See You

In the morning light,
I see you beside me,
restless in pain-wracked sleep,
besieged by demons in dreams.
I know your doubts,
all of your fears
that you aren't good enough,
that my attributes
are somehow your fault.
But through all the years,
all the trials, grief, and loss,
I'd see you there,
steadfast and holding on,
and fanning the love
within my breast
by being better than I deserve.
And the love for you
is there always,
it has never died,
and it never will.
If there is fault
to be found,
it is that I
am the flawed, corrupted vessel
incapable of the expression
of exactly how much
you mean to me,
for without you,
I would not be.

(c) Tortured Cyclone 2016

For my wife.

Talk About Publicity!

I was told about this story last night. It appeared in the 1-17-2016 edition of the Forum of Fargo-Moorhead:

http://www.inforum.com/variety/3925683-local-reads-memoirs-aplenty-latest-books-regional-ties

I was not notified that my book was going to be in the article, but am quite pleased, nonetheless.

Soul-writing

Intimacy shown
in haiku variations
expanding the theme.