Blowing off the Dust...

 I felt it was time (more than 10 months after my wife's passing) to start reopening myself to the world - and part of that means coming back to the world of writing. So you should look for more posts in the days ahead - as I continue to navigate through the rocks and shoals as a widower and father of two.

As I reminder, you can find me (and my writing) at the following locations:

Twitter: @T_C_Lynx

Instagram: lrubenwillis

Wordpress (for fanfiction): tacomasquall.wordpress.com

And more writing will be forthcoming in these venues and others.

T.C.

The Haunting

There is a ghost
haunting my steps.
A phantom glimmering
of a life lived well.

Possibility's wraith,
of mistakes not made,
of promises that were kept,
of betrayals not felt.

The spectre of lost hope
that cries of my despair,
born of disillusionment,
of stillborn dreams.

Opportunities squandered
and left abandoned,
only mirages casting shadows
of Technicolor holographic dreams

I am left in the ruins,
knowing only the bitterness
of unalloyed Sorrow,
sweetened by the gall
of what might have been.

(c) Tortured Cyclone 2018

Quicksilver Fancies

Sometimes my thoughts escape me
like the quicksilver fancies
of a mildly psychopathic
but ultimately benificent kitten
where it doesn't know
which plaything to choose first
I flit from inspiration
to fascination, from dream
to thought to idle musing,
borne by currents
of which I have no ken
letting the tide take me
to places I never conceived
I would go,
surrendering to Life's happenstance
like a submissive
to his Mistress' whim
knowing only that enlightenment
dwells in all places
and enchantment exists
in all facets of creation.

Like an adolescent Tom
I bat at one tantalizing idea,
only for my eye to be
caught by another,
which I pounce upon,
drawing it close to me.
I rake it with every claw
of my exuberant creativity
until, losing interest,
I chase a mirage
around another corner,
losing all reckoning
of the thought
that drew me hence.

For that reason I despair,
for which dreams have I
brought to fulfillment,
and which have I forsaken?
But I can do no less
because the world lures me on.

I am caught there,
gyring high into the air...
aloft in the eye of the cyclone
to be left behind in some realm
I never dreamt I'd find,
living a life that seems
merely serendipitous.
Seeking the reasons why
it rains in China
when the butterfly sings.

Being Poly Isn't a Cop-Out

One of the most common reactions to my assertion that I am Polyamorous is the look of astonishment coming from a person who assumes that means that I believe I can have sex with anyone I want, without any cares for the other relationships I have. The prevailing thought is that Poly-folk are looking for a way to excuse bad behavior in the past, to cover up being promiscuous or unfaithful in a relationship. Often, someone Poly is considered to be a slut or a womanizer.

Indeed, there are some who fall into the category of Polyamorous who act in such a manner, choosing lovers and romances without concern about how their actions affect others.

However, I aspire to the ideal of Ethical Polyamory - which means that I believe that I should not enter into relationships without the consent of all affected - my Primary, any others I am involved with, and the prospective new partner. Anyone who has a relationship with me, sexually or romantically, is going to affect the others I love, and they are going to be affected by those I love, in turn.

It is also important that I do not lead others to be misled about myself - just as I would not want others to lie to me. Love is based upon trust, and when trust is violated, love withers and tends to die. Love based upon lies is built upon a tar pit for a foundation, and is doomed more likely to fail than succeed, no matter the intensity of the passion.

As Poly, I do believe that every person in my relationship structure has the right to choose whether they wish one or more lovers. It is not a matter of having multiple lovers. It is the ability to make that choice as each person sees fit.

That is why I will always identify as Poly, no matter whether I am in a monogamous relationship, a Triad, or any other form or relationship.

Because love divided is not diminished - how can something infinite be?

(c) Tortured Cyclone 2017

Take This

Take my guilt,

there's plenty

I owe, and

to spare.

Take my heart,

for there's nothing

left inside,

for any to care.

Take my pride,

for it's been lost

years ago when I chose

to stay and fight on.

Take my hope,

for any of it

for our better lives

is dead and gone.

Take my future,

because all it is

is a litany

of unending strife.

Take my validity,

because nothing else

matters to you

but your unyielding self.

Take it all,

there is nothing left

but what you take,

and that stays till death.

(c) Tortured Cyclone 2017

My Responsibility

It is my choice

to stay and fight on,

though every cell says

I should be long gone.

It is my debt

I have chosen to pay,

and so I remain

day after day.

It is my love

that is never believed,

because how do obligations

come into being?

It is my responsibility

to be your husband,

which I strive to be,

unsuccessfully.

(c) Tortured Cyclone 2017

Permanent Impermanence

When love is as impermanent
as frail blades of grass,
how can we say
our passions are forever?
Or is that an illusion?
Is it the only constant
as we travel the wheel
of impermanence in life?

(c) Tortured Cyclone 2017