One of the strongest issues faced by
any member of a polyamorous relationship is the strong cultural bias
against polyamory in most American-influenced cultures. The
American-influenced culture is largely based upon Judeo-Christian
morality, which traditionally supports monogamous heterosexual
relationships. In this day and age, there are a number of arguments
that can be made to support the validity of this alternate
relationship model.
One of the models for a polyamorous
lifestyle can be found in Robert Heinlein’s novel, Friday.
It is the formal “S-Group”. In such a formalized relationship,
all adult members of the household enter into a binding contract, a
hybridization of marriage contract and corporate agreement. Each
member of the household signs the contract when it is made – and
detailed within are all of the responsibilities and privileges that
adult members of the household gain. The weight each member of the
household gains in issues that need to be decided for the household
is also delineated therein.
Often, as Heinlein puts it, the S in
S-Group is assumed to mean sex. In fact, what the S means is
security. This security comes in different forms.
One of the greatest strengths of the
S-Group relationship model is the ability to communally pool
resources for the betterment of the household. The struggle for
financial independence has become more and more difficult, with more
households in the customary relationship model of the married couple
to be employed in order to provide for the well-being, along with
that of any progeny. In an S-Group, greater financial security is a
result – due to the increased number of potential contributors to
the familial finances.
The security gained from a S-Group is
not merely financial, however. As Friday explains, although she had
no children, she was able to feel a part of the family (in the
S-Group she was in) by playing with the children of the other
partners in the group. This sense of being a part of family is
comparable to the strong bond that exists within many sprawling
extended families. There is always someone there.
Nowhere is this more important than
with children. The bond formed by a child to their family is
extremely important to their development. Often, in a traditional
family arrangement, a child may end up left out, due to one or more
adults in the family being preoccupied with their own concerns.
Children need attention and nurturing, and the presence of an
extended family unit, as shown in Jean Auel’s Earth’s Children
books, can be a huge contributor to a child’s well-being. Ayla’s
son Durc, even after Ayla is cast out by the Clan, is able to look to
many of the members of the Clan for his care. Ayla consoles herself
afterwards with the knowledge that her son would have no lack of
people to teach him the things he would need to not only survive, but
to thrive.
Similarly, in an S-Group arrangement,
there are more people around to provide attention and caring to the
children. This can help to head off the issues of neglect and
parental ignorance that contribute negatively to many children’s
formative years.
While the support of an S-Group is
strongest for the children, that support is there as well for the
adult members of the group. So long as lines of communication are
open, the members of the S-Group form a support network for each
other. This support can be a key contributor to the well-being of
adults.
The contract-based arrangement of an
S-Group underscores the seriousness of the relationship, as well.
One of the common perceptions of polyamory is that all polyamorous
relationships are those in which the partners have license to have
intimate encounters with whomever they please, at will, and without
consideration for the feelings of their partners. The contractual
arrangement stresses the fact that decisions made by any one member
of the S-Group have repercussions for all. Whether a polyamorous
relationship is exclusive or not, if it is successful, it will always
respect that fact just as much as successful traditional marriages
do.
I highly recommend that people who are
interested in polyamory take a look at Heinlein’s writing, as there
are many examples of polyamory sprinkled therein. He also includes
some strong exemplars of ethical and moral polyamory.
(c) Tortured Cyclone 2005, 2015
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