Walking through
my day-to-day
the world around me
sees the mask of duty,
the shroud of responsibility,
the hard-working breadwinner.
They never see the man
all you have seen,
clad in these vestments
that are doomed to be mine
until the day that I die,
and I will be buried in them.
"Reflection" by Christina Aguilera
I hear so many times
a sense of disbelief
that a specific relationship
could matter so much
to someone Polyamorous,
that losing that someone
would hurt him as badly
as anyone else,
as if being Poly somehow
made me less vulnerable,
or less loving,
than other people.
The difference, however,
is that in a non-Poly world,
enduring relationships
are hard to find,
and harder to maintain.
Both partners must accept
the other partner's ties,
and respect them.
This isn't always easy,
and I live in frequent worry
that those other ties
might take my loved ones away.
So I bury the fear,
praying for their happiness,
hoping that pursuit
doesn't take them away from me.
Earlier this week, VoElla published an article by the DV survivor and author, KendraLynn. She touched on a very important fact in that article, the shameful behavior of our system of justice.
In many DV cases, often the victims are at a disadvantage, for the aggressor frequently controls the purse strings. This means that the people who deserve the best support in the middle of their crisis are usually left with whatever assistance programs can provide. Their abusers usually have greater resources, and frequently no compunction about using every trick in the book to attack their victim, while appearing upstanding citizens within the courtroom.
The sad fact is that we need to ensure that the victims of abuse, in general, and DV, in specific, have better support. As it exists now, the abuse victims' ordeal has only begun by pressing charges. After that, they are then dragged into an environment where their story is doubted, sometimes aggressively so. A forum where they have to relive the most painful incidents, and have them dissected by a defense bent on winning at all costs, instead of committed to truth. A battlefield that a canny abuser will take advantage of, to put on a facade of decency.
In fact, the abuser will often continue the tactic of managing public appearance. Convincing others that they are being totally reasonable, when their aim is the ongoing victimization of the DV accuser/survivor. Appearing to be the victim of the whole thing.
As admirable as the concept of "innocent 'til proven guilty" is, the courtroom ideal does the victim no services.
Added to that is the sad fact that we do not have an effective system of rehabilitation. Recidivism is all-too-frequent. Most abusers of all stripes DO NOT CHANGE THEIR BEHAVIOR. There are exceptions that prove the rule, but the common story is that the abuser returns to society without any real incentive to reform for real.
Correspondingly, the people who need our help most are often marginalized or outright opposed, while the overwhelming trend of re-offense is seen as a necessary truth.
Because rehabilitation is ineffective, the victim is left with little recourse, unless they aggressively advocate for themselves, or are fortunate enough to have another who will make sure to protect them from abusive behaviors.
And Net Neutrality comes into play here, because it is all too easy for an abuser to go online and create an alternate identity to continue their campaign of terror.
Pandora's Box is open, and Hope is very frail. We need to do more. Our families, friends, coworkers, and neighbors need our help.
And it is NOT Someone Else's Problem.
A four-year-old child,
unable to understand
the complex motives
that drive a woman
consumed by her demons,
only knowing she left him behind,
taking his siblings
along with her,
leaving him with a father
broken by her desertion,
a man unprepared to be
both father and mother.
A man whose bitter pain
leads to savage words
that make the pain even worse,
making her choice to flee
a judgment of the worthiness
of the child left behind.
The child grew into a man,
his heart stunted
by despite,
by unworth,
by the self-fulfilling prophecy
that all will
abandon him.
The mother seeks to reclaim,
to heal,
to rebuild bridges
burned so long ago,
but he can't trust her...
And, then, in a moment,
she's gone,
and there will never
be a chance to reestablish
what shouldn't have been lost
in the first place,
but might have been recovered
if he tried.
Check out @fieryverse's Tweet: https://twitter.com/fieryverse/status/562960892707741696?s=09
I have two poems in this collection!
